


Lafayette Protection Squad

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [58]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Caretaking, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 06:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7966564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little lion: WELCOME TO MOTHER HUSBAND PART 3 </p><p>little lion: WHAT PROBABLY SADLY WILL NOT BE THE LAST TIME I DO THIS</p><p>laf: alex</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lafayette Protection Squad

**Author's Note:**

> 101st work *zoey 101 theme song blares in everyone's ears*

**johnn** : I love you all so much

 **johnn** : and this is gonna sound really weird

**johnn** : but sometimes I wish I wasn't married to you so I could cry abt how much I love you to you

**johnn** : I still love you tho so much don't get me wrong

**laf** : no I get it I get it

**laf** : like bc if I cry abt how much I love you to hercules or alex then they're like yes I've seen this all before I know this but if I cry to someone who doesn't see our relationship by being in it then they're like Wow and I can be like RIGHT

**laf** : and I love you too

**johnn** : why are we up at four in the morning

**laf** : bc alex isnt???? here?? and we miss the warmth of him

**little lion** : why is this the topic you two decide to discuss at four in the morning

**johnn** : why are yOU up at four in the morning and where are you

**little lion** : I didn't take my garter belt off before I fell asleep and the hooks are in the back and my body is TIRED so I can't get it and help me

**little lion** : and I'm in the bathroom bc I couldn't see without the lights on

**laf** : the one time you wear it outside of when we go to olive garden

**little lion** : hELP ME

**laf** : I'm coming

**little lion** : god bless america

**johnn** : can you come back quickly I'm cOLD

**little lion** : I'll tRY

\---

**johnn** : oh my god where are you

**laf** : did you know if alex sits on the bathroom sink he can kiss me without having to strain

**johnn** : unbelieveable

**johnn** : coME BACK TO SLEEP IM TIRED AND NEED SOMEONE TO HUG

**laf** : hercules is like right there

**johnn** : but he's asleep and I'll wake him up

**laf** : you could literally push him off of the bed and unless has has a major injury he wouldn't wake up

**johnn** : but he wouldn't hug back bc he's asLEEP and that's just rude

**laf** : fine we're coming back

**little lion** : I'm still wearing my garter belt laf

**laf** : right

**laf** : you look so pretty with it on tho

**laf** : not to say you're not gorgeous other times

**little lion** : just get me out of it

**laf** : on it

**johnn** : nvm when you get back I'm going to the bathroom to vOMIT

**laf** : hUSH

**little lion** : we're coming in now anyway and once I snatch you I'm not letting you go

**johnn** : good

**little lion** : !!!

\---

**little lion** : also laf's birthday is tomorrow!!

**johnn** : TRUE

**laf** : ITS SEVEN IN THE MORNING

**laf** : GO TO SLEEP

**little lion** : but it's labor day so we have off

**laf** : ugh true

**little lion** : I'm really sad we have work on your birthday and we have to go bc we have a meeting

**laf** : just throw like an impromptu party today then

**johnn** : you can't throw your own birthday party

**laf** : I

**little lion** : I mean we're prolly gonna go with that idea but like you can't plan your own party

**little lion** : that's just like,,,,,,sad

**laf** : yOU ARE RIDICULOUS

**little lion** : IM NOT LYING

**little lion** : WE HAVENT LET YOU PLAN YOUR OWN PARTY SINCE WE GOT TOGETHER

**johnn** : tbt to my first birthday when we got together

**little lion** : oh my gOD I REMEMBER THAT

**little lion** : WE WERE IN OUR FIRST APARTMENT EATING CAKE

**laf** : AND HERCULES WAS ON SKYPE WITH US BC HE DIDNT LIVE WITH US YET

**little lion** : AND WE HAD TO SIT ON THE FLOOR BC ALL OF OUR SHIT WAS PACKED UP BC WE WERE ABOUT TO MOVE

**johnn** : AND IT WAS THE WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER BUT I LOVED IT BC IT WAS MY FIRST ONE WITH YOU WHERE I COULD ACTUALLY GET WHAT I WANTED aka you guys ;^)))

**laf** : yeah and then we had a weird skype thing with hercules that his mom almost  walked in on

**laf** : while still on the living room floor of our first apartment with boxes stacked up around us and the cake like literally thrown to one side of the room

**johnn** : he's gonna yell at that message when he wakes up

**laf** : oh I know

**johnn** : speaking of waking up can we do the opposite and go to sleep

\---

**little lion** : seven am lafayette is gonna wake up at nine

**johnn** : you woke me up why

**johnn** : and we're in a new chat without laf why

**little lion** : bc I need you and hercules to be out of the house all day

**johnn** : how do I wake hercules up

**little lion** : pinch his left arm LIGHTLY

**johnn** : how the fuck do you know that

**little lion** : trial and error

**more like HUNKules** : OKAY MY MOM HAS FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT AND I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT SO FUCKIGN S T O P

**little lion** : WE'RE PAST THAT NOW

**more like HUNKules** : right

**more like HUNKules** : why do you need us to be out of the house

**little lion** : bc today is the Lafayette Protection Day and you two need to plan their party

**more like HUNKules** : right

**little lion** : tbh tho I already have the entire party planned out you just need to follow my shopping and guest lists

**johnn** : how do you know everyone is free today

**little lion** : bc it's labor day it's not like anyone has work

**johnn** : oh true

**more like HUNKules** : also like can I please sleep

**little lion** : ARE YOU AWARE OF THE PLAN MY DEAR HERCULES

**more like HUNKules** : YES

**little lion** : THEN G FUCKIN N

**more like HUNKules** : also never let john wake me up again he pinches too hard

**johnn** : sorry dear

**more like HUNKules** : it's fine just literally never again

**more like HUNKules** : also stop biting your nails

**johnn** : blame alex he got me into it

**little lion** : don't blame me for my bad habits that you pick up from being my husband

**johnn** : I'm going back to bed I don't need this

**little lion** : actually y'all need to be out of here by eight thirty bc laf, unlike you, has a body clock and they wake up at nine no matter what you do

**johnn** : ugh fiNE

**johnn** : I'm so tired please kill me

**little lion** : sorry dear

**little lion** : also you two need to buy their birthday presents bc I already have mine but both of you are horribly unorganized

**more like HUNKules** : tbh what would we do w/o alex I love him so much

**little lion** : love you too!!

**johnn** : oh my god we have to go bye

**little lion** : bYE

\---

**laf** : where is everyone what the fuck

**laf** : do you know how cold I am rn

**little lion** : fuCK I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE WHEN YOU WOKE UP

**laf** : whAT ARE YOU DOING NOW

**little lion** : BRUSHING MY TEETH

**laf** : WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE

**little lion** : GETTING THE STUFF FOR YOUR PARTY

**laf** : are john's siblings coming

**laf** : bc they should

**little lion** : I put them on the guest list

**johnn** : yeah I told them

**johnn** : of course my siblings are ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS that sleep until roughly noon so we're gonna have to wait for a response

**laf** : NINE IN THE MORNING IS LITERALLY THE TIME WE HAVE TO BE AT WORK BY ITS A NORMAL TIME TO WAKE UP

**johnn** : ANYWAY

**little lion** : IM HERE IM IN HERE

**laf** : WHY ARE YOU WEARING THOSE

**little lion** : WELCOME TO MOTHER HUSBAND PART 3

**little lion** : WHAT PROBABLY SADLY WILL NOT BE THE LAST TIME I DO THIS

**laf** : alex please

**little lion** : you've been more emo than normal recently and just in general and I love you so much so this is happening whether you like or not

**laf** : there's really no getting out of this is there

**little lion** : nope you're being Mother Husbanded and I'm going to love the shit out of you until your party where I will continue to do it but with less quiet kissing and more clothing

**laf** : oh my god okay

**little lion** : so like right now are you up up or do you want to sleep

**laf** : I'm up

**little lion** : wanna make out

**laf** : get those fucking sunglasses off of your face and I'll consider

**little lion** : they're gone

**laf** : then come here

\---

**little lion** : making breakfast for the love of my life one day before their birthday!!

**laf** : you're disgusting

**little lion** : I have your coffee don't test me

**laf** : absolutely rude

**laf** : also I love you too

**johnn** : this is my fave one so far tbh

**little lion** : are you saying you didn't like me Mother Husbanding you

**johnn** : of course I did but now laf is getting taken care of and they Needed This

**more like HUNKules** : rt

**laf** : false

**johnn** : dear sometimes you come home and collapse on the couch

**johnn** : in your work clothes

**johnn** : and when you wake up you have no memory of falling asleep

**laf** : ,,,,,,,,,,wow okay rude

**laf** : it's the day of my birthday party and I'm being exposed

**johnn** : we worry

**laf** : I know and I'm sorry but it really isn't necessary

**little lion** : hush you're my spouse and you deserve to be taken care of and loved and also your breakfast is ready

**laf** : okay

\---

**laf** : cotton candy bubble bath!!!

**laf** : I see what alex means now these are the big guns this smells amazing

**little lion** : S E E

**little lion** : also like you should tell me what's wrong bc I love you sm  
  
**laf** : alex

**little lion** : please

**little lion** : trust me

**laf** : I do

**little lion** : tell me what's wrong

**little lion** : I only want to help you

**laf** : fine but I'm not texting it to you

**little lion** : that's fine dear

\---

**johnn** : is laf okay

**little lion** : I mean

**little lion** : no

**little lion** : but momentarily they're like half asleep in the bathtub with me

**johnn** : what's wrong omg

**little lion** : they don't want me to tell you rn

**johnn** : are they like,,,,,dying

**little lion** : they just laughed

**little lion** : no lafayette is gonna be fine they have us

**johnn** : I'm afraid

**little lion** : me too but they're fine

**little lion** : as fine as they possibly can be rn

**johnn** : should I like cancel the party

**little lion** : no - laf

**little lion** : I already have my outfit picked out for this it's too late - laf

**johnn** : I love you sm

**little lion** : love you too - laf

\---

**little lion** : tfw lafayette pulls out this huge fuckign nail polish suitcase out of the spare room closet bc you're painting their nails and they have to go get the color they want

**johnn** : isn't their nail polish in the drawer of our nightstand

**johnn** : the one opposite the lube drawer

**johnn** : I'm reading this conversation out loud to hercules and I said lube drawer and his hands tightened on the steering wheel and he inhaled really forcefully through his nose

**little lion** : oh my god

**little lion** : and yes but none of them match the dream outfit they have so

**johnn** : oh okay

**laf** : I was bribed into letting him do this please pray for me

**johnn** : how were you bribed

**little lion** : I'm a really good kisser

**laf** : and when it comes to any of you I am Powerless

**johnn** : cute

**laf** : I try

\---

**laf** : alex is actually really good at this I love him

**johnn** : did you not know that

**johnn** : he was the one that painted my nails at the nail painting party in your office that one time

**laf** : he's like,,,,,really focused on it??

**laf** : he also kisses my hand after he paints each nail which is my fucking Jam

**johnn** : omg

**laf** : he's so dear to me I love him so much

**johnn** : rt

\---

  
**little lion** : is it too early in the year to make hot chocolate? yes

**little lion** : am I doing it anyway bc laf Deserves It? yes

**more like HUNKules** : I'm so worried are they SURE they don't want to cancel the party

**laf** : don't I'm excited for it

**laf** : and yes I might regret this and actually scream at the fact that I will have to go to it in like,,,,an hour,,,,I'm excited so go with it

**laf** : how many people are going

**more like HUNKules** : including all of us it's 15

**laf** : oh god

**laf** : fuck maybe I uhm??

**johnn** : we could always just have a party like we used to have in college

**johnn** : this time on like,,,,a pull out couch instead of the floor of hercules' dorm while he's hacking up a lung next to us

**more like HUNKules** : one time

**more like HUNKules** : one fucking time I was sick on my birthday

**more like HUNKules** : not to mention when alex confessed your collective love for me I was totally awake

**little lion** : we're having that discussion later but anyway

**little lion** : what do you want to do

**laf** : I really don't want to talk to people today sorry

**laf** : except you guys I like talking to you guys

**little lion** : that's fine

**little lion** : we love you

**laf** : I love you too

**johnn** : I love laf so much

**more like HUNKules** : same they're amazing

**johnn** : also we might be late coming home bc we gotta return balloons

**laf** : DID I NOT PLACE A STRICT B A N ON BALLOONS

**johnn** : ANYWAY

**laf** : ABSOLUTELY RUDE

**johnn** : LOVE YOU

**laf** : LOVE YOU TOO

**laf** : UNFORTUNATELY

\---

**laf** : tfw alex is combing your hair and half of your detangler is fucking gone now

**little lion** : I DONT LIKE THE RIPPING SOUND IT MAKES IF YOU DONT APPLY IT IN L I B E R A L  A M O U N T S

**laf** : IT DOESNT HURT ME LOVE

**little lion** : BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT DOES AND THAT HURTS ME

**little lion** : IT HURTS MY SOUL

**johnn** : can't hurt what you don't have

**little lion** : fuck you

**johnn** : <3 <3 <3 <3

**laf** : I'm gonna have to buy this in bulk now aren't I

**little lion** : how much is bulk

**laf** : the fact that you have to ask

**laf** : bulk is six bottles at once

**little lion** : yeah I would do that

**laf** : you are never combing my hair again

**little lion** : I AM BEING G E N T L E

**laf** : yeS TRUE BUT I WOULD LIKE TO NOT COMB THROUGH MY HAIR ONE TIME BEFORE I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER BOTTLE

**little lion** : IM SOROYR

**laf** : ITS F I N E

**little lion** : are you gonna wash all of this out

**laf** : I shouldn't but I will bc there's so much of it

**laf** : my hair is so heavy rn

**little lion** : sorry

**little lion** : it smells nice tho and it's v v soft

**laf** : at least I have that

**little lion** : you have me too

**johnn** : and us!!

**more like HUNKules** : your husbands with 35 balloons in a bag that the people refused to take back bc they saw the ones we blew up in the car

**laf** : wHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

**more like HUNKules** : bc john finds my driving boring and blew them up to pass time

**johnn** : he literally played polka music I was fucking appalled

**johnn** : he daNCED TO IT

**more like HUNKules** : ITS CA T CHY

**johnn** : I WANT A DIVORCE

**laf** : OH MY GOD

\---

**johnn** : the party is cancelled!!

**johnn** : we have so much fuckign cake!!

**laf** : thank you so much I really didn't want to go to this I'm sorry

**johnn** : you're fine!! and we have cake!!

**laf** : I love you omg

**johnn** : I love you too

**more like HUNKules** : he's trying to say that we have cake so he can gently break it to you that it is rapidly melting as we walk up the stairs

**johnn** : shhhhhHHh she's just sweating

**more like HUNKules** : that whole sentence makes me want to throw myself down this staircase

**johnn** : IM SCRME AING

**more like HUNKules** : and hercules mulligan with an excellent steal as laurens laughs so hard he collapses on the landing and is currently hunched over on the floor

**johnn** : I HATE EVERYTHING W H Y DID I SAY THAT

**more like HUNKules** : he's making a high pitched whistling sound out of his throat I'm so

**laf** : SAVE HIM

**more like HUNKules** : I C AN T I HAVE THE CAKE IN BOTH ARMS

**more like HUNKules** : THE ONLY REASON I CAN TEXT RN IS BC I HAVE THE CAKE BALANCED AND IM HOLDING MY PHONE IN ONE HAND

**johnn** : SHES JSYT SWEATIGNKTGNLKDHGLKFDHGAKGL

**laf** : JOHN

**more like HUNKules** : HES CRAWLING UP THE STEPS NOW

**laf** : COME UP HERE AND DROP OFF THE CAKE AND THEN G O GET HIM

**more like HUNKules** : IM GOING IM GOING

**little lion** : I wash my hands for one minute

**little lion** : and this is what happens in my absence

**more like HUNKules** : OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME

**laf** : I GOT IT

\---

**johnn** : how do you smell like cotton candy and cinnamon at the same time

**laf** : cotton candy from the bath cinnamon from alexander

**johnn** : ah

**little lion** : I don't smell like that

**johnn** : yes you do you smell like christmas

**little lion** : christmas is peppermint

**johnn** : then you and hercules smell like christmas

**laf** : hercules smells like lavender and new fabric

**johnn** : that's in the summer

**johnn** : it's like fall now which means we're switching back to mint and new fabric

**laf** : you smell like tropical fruit

**johnn** : maybe I should have a cold season smell

**johnn** : in the fall and winter you smell,,,pretty

**laf** : what

**little lion** : yes

**laf** : WHAT

**johnn** : you have pretty in fall and winter and then,,,sunshine in spring and summer

**laf** : ?????

**little lion** : those are the best descriptions we have babe

**laf** : so I'm pretty and sunshine??

**little lion** : yes

**johnn** : yes

**laf** : I'll take it

**more like HUNKules** : y'all talked about this while you refused to help me cut this cake and made me suffer

**laf** : it's a cake

**more like HUNKules** : the frosting is faLLING

**laf** : WERE COMING OH MY GOD

**more like HUNKules** : I'm screaming help this cake

\---

**johnn** : am I even human anymore

**little lion** : I

**johnn** : my blood is like 83% cake frosting

**laf** : rt

**more like HUNKules** : rt

**little lion** : y'all astound me

**laf** : thank you

**little lion** : bYE

\---

**laf** : do we haVE to go to work tomorrow

**laf** : can't we just take all the money out of our bank accounts and move to wherever the house from the golden girls is

**little lion** : well that's a tourist attraction now so no

**little lion** : and also yes bc we have the meeting with those people

**laf** : I know that's why I don't want to go

**laf** : I want to stay here with you and never leave

**little lion** : aw

**johnn** : I love lafayette so much pLEASE kill me

**more like HUNKules** : RT

**laf** : shut uP

**johnn** : omg no

**more like HUNKules** : we,,,,,,love you,,,,,,,,,so much?? oh my god???

**laf** : I know

**laf** : I love you too

**johnn** : are you okay

**laf** : well I mean

**laf** : no

**johnn** : :^((((

**laf** : I'll tell you later I promise rn can we just sleep

**johnn** : of course

**laf** : thank you

**more like HUNKules** : we!! love!! you!!

**laf** : I!! love!! you!! too!!

\---

**johnn** : do you wanna talk about it now

**laf** : idk I just

**johnn** : you don't have to talk about it all rn or like ever you're fine

**laf** : idk I just don't like feeling like I'm going out of my way to worry you

**johnn** : we worry about you constantly

**johnn** : it isn't your fault we just love you it's what we do

**laf** : I know but idk! idk!! it's just,,,a lot

**laf** : like everything just stresses me out and it's like !!! and it's

**laf** : I can't explain it

**laf** : it's like a Fear of something but nothing is there to be scared of and it's ALWAYS. THERE. and it's awful!!

**johnn** : oh laf

**laf** : sorry I just like

**little lion** : no no no no no no

**little lion** : you don't have to be sorry we love you sm

**laf** : I love you too

**little lion** : also tomorrow is your birthday!!!

**laf** : I am officially 27 in six hours

**little lion** : you were 21 when we met

**laf** : actually false I was 20

**laf** : and then when you came back bc I was beautiful and your future spouse I was 21 bc it was two days later and one day after my birthday

**little lion** : so we met,,,six years ago,,,,today

**laf** : I guess we did

**little lion** : I'm so fucking happy that that happened I love you sm

**laf** : I love you too!! now we're going to bed bc I'm tired still

**little lion** : your skin is really soft rn

**little lion** : not important to the convo but important in the grand scheme of who you are bc you're important to me and all of us

**laf** : I

**laf** : tO BED

**little lion** : we're going wERE GOING

**johnn** : this four person hand holding chain that we're doing rn is the lamest thing ever

**johnn** : I love it

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to write a thing about the laurens fam reunion but I was forced to go for chicken wings with my family which was a Mess and I had this written bc I was up and four am and wasn't tired so this is what I did so I'm just going to post it now
> 
> also laf's anxiety is,,,,,practically my own,,,,,,but different,,,,,bear with me on this,,,,,
> 
> ALSO note 3: I'm gonna write the laurens fam reunion thing today or tomorrow sorry!!


End file.
